On turning weakness into strength

I grew up poor. I ate split-pea soup and lentils so many times I can still taste it in my mouth.

My mother is a waitress and my father is a mechanic.

They both love me deeply and do the best they can.

In my first job, I was a dishwasher when I was 14 years old.

When I was 17, I joined the military because I thought I couldn’t afford to pay for college on my own.

I got in trouble. I broke laws and got caught far less often than I should have.

I was terrible at following orders in the military. I loved to defy authority.

The military administratively separated me after I served 6 years and transferred to the IRR so I wouldn’t get VA benefits. My commanding officer hated me that much.

I hated that I hated authority, I felt there was something wrong with me. I cried many times in exasperation of my own inability to listen to people in authoritative positions.

I learned hard lessons, but I eventually started to grow.

I met a beautiful girl and for some reason she agreed to married me.

I learned to write code.

I finished my 4 year degree.

I made a career out of defying authority.

Apparently there was role in corporate world for breaking the rules, they’re called Organizational Change Managers.

I found I was quickly making 4 times more income than my peers who had just graduated.

While everyone else was learning how to follow the rules, I was learning how to break them. And apparently swimming upstream pays more than swimming downstream!

By the way, I nearly failed my Organizational Behavior class in college, a subject that is squarely focused on changing companies and cultures. I guess conventional thinking didn’t help me succeed professionally on that subject.

Ha ha! success! I thought. I’m so good at being bad! I’m so good at dismantling and ignoring processes and rules! I implemented and made big changes in organizations with ease where others had tried for years and failed.

But then the boredom came. I quickly got really good at what I did and found I did not like doing it anymore.

I must be a masochist because I am only happy when I am in pain.

My clients and colleagues loved my work I did but I did not.

So I started trying new things.

I started and failed many companies. I still have not succeeded at building a profitable business yet.

I made bad investments.

My daughter was born while I was working full time on a tech startup that had no revenue. I was terrified and wondered if I had made a mistake.

I burned bridges, lost money, gained debt, and many days thought my life wasn’t worth living.

I admire those who can succeed all the time, who have a strong moral character, and a stainless reputation. Sometimes I even feel acutely jealous of them. But I am not like this.

I fail, I get bored, I’m impatient, I quit, I make bad decisions often.

I have no mentors, no advisors help guide me when I don’t know what is right or wrong, stupid or smart, rational or irrational.

I’ve learned everything through books or mistakes.

I have sought out mentors and advisors, so it’s not that I haven’t tried to find them.

No one wants to help me. I don’t come from a prestigious family. I’m not a successful business person. No one see’s potential in me.

People look down on me when they find I have a criminal record and that I lost hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to start businesses without any success. They become embarrassed smile and never return my emails or phone calls. They become afraid of how their association with me will affect their own reputation. I am like a red stain on their network of impeccably successful individuals.

There’s some places I can’t live, some places I can’t get a job at, some people who will never talk to me.

My friends don’t want to help me start businesses because they don’t think I will succeed.

There’s no evidence to suggest I am a good person, the kind you want to work with.

Who wants to work with someone that fails at things they’re not good at and gets bored with the things they are?

I felt there was something wrong with me.

I thought getting bored was a weakness, I was never committed to anything, but now I see boredom as one of my biggest strengths.

I got bored of feeling sorry for myself.

I got bored of being unkind.

I got bored of taking unnecessary risks.

I got bored of burning bridges.

I got bored of being bored and so now I’m moving forward.

I’m trying, failing, avoiding more failure than I did before, learning, growing, and pressing towards my goals.

I believe I’ve found my purpose in life and that my work is aligned with that purpose.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring or if I’ll ever succeed at all, but from where I’ve been there’s no better place to be than where I am today.

I will fail, get hurt, and hurt others. I will want to quit trying and maybe I will.

But as for today, I am happy where I am and hopeful for my future. My daughter, whom I thought might have been a mistake is the greatest source of joy in my life. (Don’t tell my wife).

I can’t go back in time and undo my past.

And time will go forward whether I do or not.

So, I might as well go the only way that time can go and that is onward.

If you think you’re all alone, I won’t sugar coat this, you are all alone.

But there’s one person that always can be on your side and that’s You.

If you’re not on your own side, you have no chance at all.

When you fall down, don’t kick yourself. Pick yourself up!

When you fail, don’t mock yourself. Listen and empathize with the experience.

When you make mistakes, don’t tell yourself all kinds of bad things about yourself. Remind yourself about the good in you.

And when your weaknesses cripple and seemingly destroy your life over and over, try to remember that your biggest weakness may become your biggest strength when applied in the right way.

I hate doing boring tasks, so I have learned how to outsource them.

I am impatient, so I make progress quickly.

I am unkind, so I try to remember my own failures and feelings of pain and confusion when I see something I don’t agree with or like. Some call this empathy.

I am arrogant, so I try to solve problems that are bigger than I can solve on my own.

I am rash, so I don’t procrastinate.

I am inconsistent, so I respond to change rapidly.

I get bored quickly, so I solve bigger problems.

Weaknesses can feel crushing and debilitating when they result in failure, but the most successful people I know take what they themselves and even others see as a weakness and make it into their biggest strength. To turn your weaknesses into a strength, you have to find out what is motivating that weakness and think opportunistically about how that motivation could be applied to something that can propel you forward rather than hold you back.

The motivation behind that weakness is likely to be an unstoppable force when applied to something constructive and helpful to others.